Forgetfully yours

I swear it is divine retribution. The stories I have heard about reaping as you sow are all true – every single one of them. Above all, I believe in karma; that you pay for your actions, good or bad. Only in my case, I am getting it back manifold and in different ways. My past has come back to haunt me, so help me God!

I should never have played the hide-and-seek games with the L&M and the Brats, never made fun of the L&M’s memory lapses. Oh, what’s the use of lamenting now?

I am losing my memory. No, make it ‘lost most of it’. I might even be diagnosed with Alzheimer’s if I were to go for a test. If it is not my karma coming to haunt me what is it? How else could I explain the fact that I need the help of the very same L&M (from whom I used to hide stuff (eats) not so long ago) to search for all the things I now misplace with irritating frequency?

So bad has it become that I forget everything – what I was holding in my hand a moment ago; where I kept my glasses/cell phone/electricity bill/gas lighter….you name it, I have already forgotten where I put it before you finish uttering the word. I need an extra phone in the house – to beep out my cell phone which keeps disappearing every five minutes.

My sentences begin with, ‘I can’t find…’ And what’s worse, I actually whine while saying it! Boo-hoooo. There is more. All the hide-and-seek I played over the years has turned the L&M into an ASM (Automatic Searching Machine). So on top of every other sin I have committed is the added one of having turned a human being into an automaton.

He is like a programmed searching robot. All he has to hear are the first words of my whine, ‘I can’t find…’ before he jumps up like a wound up toy and begins looking for it without even knowing what he is searching for. The other day, he actually searched for a full fifteen minutes before asking me, ‘What is it that you had misplaced?’

Sometimes this ASM becomes a menace. Since he doesn’t know what he is searching for, half the time, he manages to unearth stuff that I have hidden from him. When I miraculously remember where I had hidden the til laddoos and open the tin while drooling at the prospect of it melting in my mouth, I find it empty. Ditto with the juicy dates I had stashed away for a puckish day.

Come to think of it, I never realised why the L&M is so obliging and eager to look for the things I regularly misplace or how he has become an expert at it till the daughter pointed out, ‘Ma, I think you should stop this hiding business. You forget where you hid it and he manages to find it anyway. So why don’t you spare the trouble for both of you?’ I realised she had a point.

But then I realised too that I could still continue hiding things, for I discovered that apart from becoming an ASM, the L&M has lost his frontal vision completely. His eyes have got trained to look for hidden things and miss the ones right in front of him. You tell him that the pen is on the table and he can’t find it. He would look under the papers, behind the computer, on top of the printer – everywhere, in fact, except on the table. And when in I go and pick it up in annoyance at his inability to find something that is staring at him in the face, he says, ‘Oh, I didn’t see it at all. I was searching for it.’

So I have hit upon the best solution: put the stuff in full view I want it hidden and relax in the knowledge that he would never find it and I won’t forget where I had put it! Elementary, wouldn’t you say?

Coming back to paybacks, remember me making fun of the L&M for forgetting names? That is nothing compared to what I am going through now, if you ask me. Sample this: during a conversation, I completely blank out and can’t  remember for the life of me what I was going to say next or worse, even who I am talking to. Midway through a sentence, I lose it and stare at the person in front of me in wonder – ‘Who is this person? And why is she looking at me expectantly as if I am about to say something?’ before it comes back to me that I have to indeed complete the sentence. Oh, only if I could remember what it was I was talking about! So I begin stammering, ‘This thing, you know…ummm,’ desperately trying to jog my memory before lapsing into a longer silence, till the other person gets up and leaves in disgust.

It is worse when I am on the phone. I dial a number and by the time the phone starts ringing at the other end, I have forgotten who it was I was calling.  This is not so bad if it is one of the family or a friend, but when it is a stranger, well, it is a nightmare. I frantically cut the call trying to remember who it was I had dialed. And then, call the person back again glibly lying that the line had got disconnected.

And the dates! I can’t remember any of them any more, period. Birthdays, anniversaries…they all elude me completely.  My friend called one day: ‘Congrats!’ she cried heartily. My mind worked overtime. Had I done something great? Had my book come out already? Unable to think further, I blurted out, ‘Why, what happened?’

‘You dope, it is your wedding anniversary today!’

‘Uhh…..thanks!’

Now tell me, is there hope for someone who can’t remember her wedding anniversary? At least now do you agree that you reap as you sow?

Before you assume that in my moment of remorse I am going to decide to stop pulling the legs of the L&M and the Brats, let me assure you that I have no such noble intention and would continue doing….huh…… continue doing what???

No, please stay, I will remember in a trice, please, don’t go…….

29 comments

  1. Me sad for you …:( post is funny though.

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  2. It was hilarious. My husband has the same problem of not finding things clearly visible. Another thing never in its place are his spectacles. He is always asking all of us, “Has anyone seen my specs?” Even my elder son gives a broad grin before we begin our searching expeditions around the house. To avoid forgetting, I’ve started maintaining notes. To remember important events, birthday calendars and alarms really come in handy :). Lots of times, I come down to the ground floor, do a lot of things but actually forget to do what I had initially come down for :).

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  3. OMG..This was hilariously awesome( I could not frame a better sentence).I wish I could transform my husband into an ASM..Good one..Just loved it.

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    1. In order to do that you have to first turn into a nag. For pointers see the About section of my blog 😀

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  4. lol.. this one was too hilarious. why wasn’t i here earlier.. amazing amazing.. humor and cribbing at its best!

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  5. ROFL Z…this was a fantastic post…one of the most amusing ones i have read in recent times.

    The only flipside is that it makes me scared to pull the Tall one’s leg on his inability to find things, remember birthdays!!!

    But seriously the L&M is too cute!! Bigg Fan of his!

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    1. Tell you what, it is the most terrible thing to forget things. And please don’t pull up the Tall One for being forgetful. It is beyond control….

      I will pass on the fan club membership to the L&M. 🙂

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  6. Loved it..It’s okei to forget..Wish we had Ctrl+F in life too..

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    1. Or at least as in my case, things should come fitted with some kind of RFID tags so that I may beep out anything…

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  7. What an enjoyable read…I am suffering from the same malaise I guess. It sure is irritating while cooking when you dont remember that you have already added salt once..lol.

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    1. Haven’t you cottoned on to the solution yet? Create your ASM or helper and whine to get your problems solved. 😀

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  8. Oh I always tell myself that when the mind is pre-occupied with Great Ideas then keys,torches and cell-phones are not on the mental radar so much as that latest blog-post.Its all a matter of mental priority !

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    1. Spoken like a true health pro! And yes, it is all a matter of priority. But what is galling is the fact that I used to be so good at remembering things 😦

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  9. Such a fun post !
    Seriously, aren’t we all(past 50 years of age) afflicted with this short term memory loss ? And like Pratibha sez, if it’s an affliction of intelligent people, we shouldn’t feel bad about !;-)

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    1. Pratibha’ theory does have a lot of takers, doesn’t it? 😀

      Besides like Varsha says, we intelligent souls have greater things to think about than mundane stuff!

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  10. Yes, as you sow so shall you reap!!
    The best way to deal with forgetfulness is to really forget everything for some days and remain carefree as a child!!
    We start to cram to much and forget most of it anyways and before I forget that I am writing a comment and not a post…
    Have a great day:-)

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    1. That’s true Arti. Life is becoming more demanding by the day and we tend to tax our brains too much trying to keep so many things in mind. And the complexities of everyday living is also increasing. So I guess this is to be expected.

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  11. L&M works like a magical talisman for you. Any post, if it features your lord and master, I know you are going to be your wittiest, crackling best.

    And I nearly fell of my stool laughing – ASM was a stroke of genius.

    Do you really have to deprive that sweet man?

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    1. Oh Purba, I do feel terrible about the ASM.. honest 😉

      You won’t believe me if I tell you that he actually wants me to hide stuff so that he finds it even more enjoyable when he finds them!

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  12. this only shows you need a nice vacation. I am not a Doctor, but was born to be one and deviated the track.
    so take my sincere advice and go on a grand vacation. But remember to come back home.

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    1. Thanks Pramod. But my malaise is past all that! Chances are I will forget to come back home, as you rightly have warned me 😀

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  13. Sometimes when I forget the name of a particular person, ask him or her-‘Hello, remember me?’. Naturally the other person will not ask you the same question, saving you from embarrassment!

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    1. That’s a good one. I will try that next time I am stuck for the identity!

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  14. Pratibha · · Reply

    Oh dear. believe me if I were to start my own blog, this would have been the first post. Believe it or not, it appeared to be my story. Thanks for making me feel normal.
    The only difference is that my daughter comes to my rescue. Although she is in a different city, but when I cant find something, just a phone call, and she will guide me to all the possible places where I may have ‘safely’ kept the ‘lost’ object. At times she has pin pointed the cupboard, the shelf and the exact location of the missing object.
    By the way, I think all the intelligent people go through this phase. This means even I am……. Thank you, thank you.

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    1. Hey Pratibha, great minds think alike! And thanks for calling me intelligent 🙂 LOL about your daughter guiding you long distance to your lost possessions. The L&M was informing the daughter the other day that he beings looking for things in some designated spots I normally lose things! So I guess people like us also follow some pattern while ‘losing’ things. What say? How about co-authoring a book on the subject> 😉

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  15. Like I doctor I know very well would have said, “Oh my dear lady you just need to take few Vitamin B 12 pills, and you’d never recall that you suffered from forgetfulness 🙂 🙂

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    1. Oh all the vitamins wouldn’t help someone who is the victim of her own karma 😦

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  16. lol! that was a fun post!!
    and yes am waiting…. 🙂

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    1. Thanks Magiceye. Waiting? er…..is it…

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