I swear it is divine retribution. The stories I have heard about reaping as you sow are all true – every single one of them. Above all, I believe in karma; that you pay for your actions, good or bad. Only in my case, I am getting it back manifold and in different ways. My past has come back to haunt me, so help me God!
I should never have played the hide-and-seek games with the L&M and the Brats, never made fun of the L&M’s memory lapses. Oh, what’s the use of lamenting now?
I am losing my memory. No, make it ‘lost most of it’. I might even be diagnosed with Alzheimer’s if I were to go for a test. If it is not my karma coming to haunt me what is it? How else could I explain the fact that I need the help of the very same L&M (from whom I used to hide stuff (eats) not so long ago) to search for all the things I now misplace with irritating frequency?
So bad has it become that I forget everything – what I was holding in my hand a moment ago; where I kept my glasses/cell phone/electricity bill/gas lighter….you name it, I have already forgotten where I put it before you finish uttering the word. I need an extra phone in the house – to beep out my cell phone which keeps disappearing every five minutes.
My sentences begin with, ‘I can’t find…’ And what’s worse, I actually whine while saying it! Boo-hoooo. There is more. All the hide-and-seek I played over the years has turned the L&M into an ASM (Automatic Searching Machine). So on top of every other sin I have committed is the added one of having turned a human being into an automaton.
He is like a programmed searching robot. All he has to hear are the first words of my whine, ‘I can’t find…’ before he jumps up like a wound up toy and begins looking for it without even knowing what he is searching for. The other day, he actually searched for a full fifteen minutes before asking me, ‘What is it that you had misplaced?’
Sometimes this ASM becomes a menace. Since he doesn’t know what he is searching for, half the time, he manages to unearth stuff that I have hidden from him. When I miraculously remember where I had hidden the til laddoos and open the tin while drooling at the prospect of it melting in my mouth, I find it empty. Ditto with the juicy dates I had stashed away for a puckish day.
Come to think of it, I never realised why the L&M is so obliging and eager to look for the things I regularly misplace or how he has become an expert at it till the daughter pointed out, ‘Ma, I think you should stop this hiding business. You forget where you hid it and he manages to find it anyway. So why don’t you spare the trouble for both of you?’ I realised she had a point.
But then I realised too that I could still continue hiding things, for I discovered that apart from becoming an ASM, the L&M has lost his frontal vision completely. His eyes have got trained to look for hidden things and miss the ones right in front of him. You tell him that the pen is on the table and he can’t find it. He would look under the papers, behind the computer, on top of the printer – everywhere, in fact, except on the table. And when in I go and pick it up in annoyance at his inability to find something that is staring at him in the face, he says, ‘Oh, I didn’t see it at all. I was searching for it.’
So I have hit upon the best solution: put the stuff in full view I want it hidden and relax in the knowledge that he would never find it and I won’t forget where I had put it! Elementary, wouldn’t you say?
Coming back to paybacks, remember me making fun of the L&M for forgetting names? That is nothing compared to what I am going through now, if you ask me. Sample this: during a conversation, I completely blank out and can’t remember for the life of me what I was going to say next or worse, even who I am talking to. Midway through a sentence, I lose it and stare at the person in front of me in wonder – ‘Who is this person? And why is she looking at me expectantly as if I am about to say something?’ before it comes back to me that I have to indeed complete the sentence. Oh, only if I could remember what it was I was talking about! So I begin stammering, ‘This thing, you know…ummm,’ desperately trying to jog my memory before lapsing into a longer silence, till the other person gets up and leaves in disgust.
It is worse when I am on the phone. I dial a number and by the time the phone starts ringing at the other end, I have forgotten who it was I was calling. This is not so bad if it is one of the family or a friend, but when it is a stranger, well, it is a nightmare. I frantically cut the call trying to remember who it was I had dialed. And then, call the person back again glibly lying that the line had got disconnected.
And the dates! I can’t remember any of them any more, period. Birthdays, anniversaries…they all elude me completely. My friend called one day: ‘Congrats!’ she cried heartily. My mind worked overtime. Had I done something great? Had my book come out already? Unable to think further, I blurted out, ‘Why, what happened?’
‘You dope, it is your wedding anniversary today!’
Now tell me, is there hope for someone who can’t remember her wedding anniversary? At least now do you agree that you reap as you sow?
Before you assume that in my moment of remorse I am going to decide to stop pulling the legs of the L&M and the Brats, let me assure you that I have no such noble intention and would continue doing….huh…… continue doing what???
No, please stay, I will remember in a trice, please, don’t go…….