Lethal anger

Hey all you channel surfing fiends, including the erstwhile brats beware! Channel surfing can be injurious to your health and may cost your life if you happen to be a friend of a certain gent in Nagachery village near Thiruvananthapuram, Kerala.

I read the shocking news in this morning’s papers about how a man from the said village clubbed his friend for channel surfing during a commercial break while watching an IPL match. The victim died of serious head injuries after battling for life for four days in a hospital. Wow! So much anger over something as trivial as a cricket match!

We see them everywhere: the ill-tempered shopkeeper whose temper can explode in one moment, the boss at work, the intolerant parent who is quick to raise his or her hand at a disobedient child, the driver who is quick to succumb to road rage…the list can go on. One reaction in anger can do great damage which can range from making the victim angry enough to react similarly with another person, to causing physical and psychological harm, to damaging property, to even taking a life as in the above case.

What is it about anger that makes people do such heinous things? The foremost reason that comes to mind is intolerance of another’s behavior, whether it is something as innocuous as changing channels on the TV, getting stuck in a traffic jam or delay in being attended to, at a supermarket check-out counter. The other reason is the stress of everyday life getting to people and making them act impulsively and harm the ones that are causing even the smallest irritation.

No matter what, it is important to try and control one’s temper. Counting to ten, drinking a glass of cold water and taking a deep breath — might all sound like simplistic solutions, but they all work; if only to cause a delay, thus reducing the chances of a violent reaction.

I would like to know how you guys out there control your temper when faced with situations that bug you. I might learn a few tricks myself from your inputs.

25 comments

  1. […] person who rub them the wrong way often on piffling grounds. I had written about this in an earlier post but with the increasing incidents of similar cases, I though another post was in order. Also, our […]

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  2. My solution (Actually, I have 2 ;))

    1.
    I’ve learnt that it is impossible to keep control of yourself when you’re angry. It’s like running to sharpen your hatchets when the bandits are attacking. Its useless, inherently fatal, and keeps your mind from the more important things at that time. If you mind is able to think clearly at that time, that is.
    Rather, one must have control over one’s mind at all times. Not just one’s temper, but all emotions – fear, illwill, hatred, lust, greed – all of them, anger included. Tall exercise, right? No.
    Having been doing Vipassana Meditation nearly all my life, I can safely say that I have that much extra control over my emotions. That does not mean that I do not get angry at all, I still do… however, I can easily come out of it in seconds. Similarly for fear, nervousness, et al.
    The issue is not whether you create anger or not. The issue is that you will create anger, no matter how hard you try not to – you’ll fail. The solution lies in how far and how fast are you able to get out of it. The earlier you get out of it, and the farther you go, the better.

    2.
    Have a small fight each day, with someone you are comfortable with. Its like vaccination – just that small amount of poison that lets your body create antibodies for it. Me and my father have daily verbal duels all the time; like why did I not turn off the lights, why did he keep the movies on when the rest wanted to see soaps, et al. Light hearted, but healthy nevertheless.
    This has made me inured to the angry ones outside. I can easily have control over my own anger – I have told you how in the first paragraph, but I have none on the anger of others. I can only protect myself from that. And my daily fights with my dad are the booster doses for that.
    Now, when I am standing in front of someone who is venting off his or her rage, I can easily steel myself to face it without getting angry myself, and let that person opposite finish off. Then, when they’re calm, we sit and solve the issue at hand.

    Try some.

    Regards,
    Grond

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    1. Welcome back Grond! Your comment is really exhaustive and eye-opening! Vipassana sounds excellent, but I prefer the second solution. it is so simple and easy. Will surely try it out on the L&M, now that the brats are long gone!

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  3. People say love is blind but I feel that its anger which is blind…. or at least blinder! Angry people are prone to doing anything… even something they would never ever do in normal circumstances.
    I personally find that anger towards a person or situation is usually triggered by a specific incident so it is necessary to close your eyes for a moment and tell yourself that this could have been worse! And that is not the best idea to kill the person in front of you. Of course the surefire way of controlling anger is to work under a boss who is unreasonable… A couple of months you are seething with anger but with the helplessness brought on by the fear of losing the job you learn to subdue even your worst anger bouts….
    My colleagues tell me that they can never imagine me getting angry, getting into a temper. My family would beg to differ! Guess I’ve been in a sucky job for too long!

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    1. How wonderfully different solutions emerge when you ask for them! maybe you are unconsciously or consciously using the solution offered by Grond, to have trivial fights with your near and dear ones in order to control your temper where it needs to be. Hope your boss is not a reader of my blog!

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  4. Another point I suppose one can raise at this point is, why are people so angry nowadays?? everyone seems to be having a temper on a short leash.

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    1. A good question…….ko gussa kyon aata hai? it is the stress and strain of daily life, I guess. We are all endowed only with so much patience, aren’t we?

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      1. true that. but then patience seems to more in the mood to elope with reason whenever the crunch comes. its weird and troubling…

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    2. I think when something interferes with our achievement of a goal or any desire, ..the frustration results in a feeling of tension and hostility…. That is the cause of anger … Basic factors being rage, resentment, Indignation and thought process…

      ut we feel frustrated and angry because we don’t know what we can do to change things. And these feelings have to go somewhere, so we vent our anger on anyone..

      or maybe if m nt wrong then anger is the main cause for all the mistake which we do in our daily routine life… or maybe others do to irritate us …
      Well most of us would say its the later one!…

      If it’s understandable for us to be tense and angry these days, what can we do about it? Well, while we pressure world leaders to make this a safer planet, we can at least take a deep breath now and then to calm down. Of course, when we take those deep breaths, we’ll be breathing air that’s being polluted by corporations that don’t care if they’re poisoning us! They only care about making money!! And they’re among the most despicable entities in the history of the world!!!! Sorry about that outburst. Sometimes I just get so angry…:P

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  5. Perhaps the most dangerous of all emotions, one which leaves repentant later or maybe not (for some). Anger cannot be avoided, period! It can be controlled. More than anger its the reactions which need to be reined in. I have no clue how I learned to control it, but a few years of professional therapy during adolescent years certainly did help. The result was, even if I was angry I was in control enough to evaluate my actions. Sometimes I would just play out the scene in my imagination and allow the anger to dissipate, seek solitude, listen to some serious metal, punch the wall (a habit i dropped very quickly – it hurts real bad later on :().
    Oh and the knowledge that anger/fury leads to elevated blood flow raising the blood pressure which can bring about strokes in the healthiest of chaps does have a sobering effect. 🙂
    Having said that irrational anger, like the one mentioned in the post certainly deserve to be reined in completely – a more justified case might demand giving vent to the fury. I find speaking in a calm, cold voice often does the trick than shouting. Pent up anger isn’t always the right thing, as the release then could destroy just about everything we love 🙂

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    1. Good techniques all. thank you for the inputs. I think I have enough techniques to make a handbook on anger management!

      Btw, try Ridhima’s method of punching a pillow, not the wall! 🙂

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      1. tried that once. burst my pillow 😦
        ergo.. no punching unless I got a sandbag!! 😀

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  6. I think temper control comes in good therapy. I do it by often putting people in difficult situations which often result in their death. It’s called writing stories 🙂
    Get all the aggression out in type, and the mind is cool.
    Thanks for the kind comments on my blog.

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    1. :O That is a really nice way to kill someone!

      I agree with you about getting things out in type. I used this technique as a kid when most of the situations were beyond my control and made me mad as hell. Thanks for the comment.

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  7. Talk about anger and the violent repercussions of it…didn’t we all shockingly take the news of some Mr.Marolia killing an innocent 14-yr old in a fit of rage??

    The reasons can be plenty, but there are simple solutions that can work universally. As far as I’m concerned, I like to be left alone when I’m angry so I can introspect. Other workable methods would probably be taking a long walk, if possible trying to calm down through meditation or sometimes a cold shower also works!

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    1. Thank you for the comment, Varsh. It is shocking indeed. come to think of it, most killings are a result of uncontrolled anger, aren’t they?

      yeah. being left alone helps us to introspect and cool down. but the long walk sounds the most delicious way of controlling one’s temper!

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  8. Its amazing how anger manifests itself outside. One that works best and most effectively is giving the ‘look’!

    I scare the crap out of anyone that way. Another approach is to smile at them. they always keep wondering what you are upto.

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    1. …and i thought that you were so happy with me that you were smiling away:(

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    2. aha!! the “look”.
      i had forgotten about it. the cold, hard stare – my siblings steer clear of me when they see that 😀

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      1. you guys sound really dangerous with your ‘looks!’

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  9. Well said ma’am. I have read many stories abt anger too.. Credit goes to our lovely Tv news channels. People get angry when they are standing in a line even.

    Anger , being a very dominating emotion ,can be dangerous most of the times if not directed via proper channel. Getting angry is normal at times, but the way we portray that anger is most important. Some are submissive, while some have that feary streak in them. Aggression is an acquired cathartic habit, a learned reaction practiced by people who think they can get away with behaving this way..

    Tender yearnings hide beneath the rage.. and we must let those feelings out and express ourself to people whom we are close to.
    Most of the times wen I get that flare…it takes me over. I get mad and I could kill anyone at that moment. Its such a powerful emotion. But then I, take a moment to notice what am I exactly feeling and thinking.I try to move out from that place or room immediately.It’s basically self control that stops me from being a Vampire (esp when i have fight with my younger brother).

    I have heard people saying count till 10 or get deviate your mind. I wonder how they do it?. I cant even think of counting at that very moment.But by God’s grace i have never hit anyone when I am angry nor Do i throw things. I jst absorb it for that moment and then it moves out in other ways. By driving car very fast, by going on long walks, hitting my pillow, by playing Table tennis till M on ground, being in shell.. or Screaming with a towel in your mouth , worst … shed some tears alone. I have personally done all dat. lol

    One of the thing that made a difference for me is cause of my ‘ma’. Since childhood she had always told me that Anger can only create more problems, talk and sort things out is a better solution.So now When i know it’s wrong to portray anger by hitting people and when things can be sorted out with words, why go blood thirsty.? and if any one provokes the devil in me. I just walk out. So till now I have played safe always.:)

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    1. hey, good for you that you can control your temper to take stock of the thing that is making you angry. your techniques of controlling your temper are also worthy of emulation. thanks for the nice comment, Ridhima.

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    2. I know exactly where you are coming from. It certainly helps to excuse oneself from social company of all forms till tempers cool down.

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  10. very nicely written about something which we all are aware of if not conciously then sub-conciously for sure.

    Anger management has gained importance in recent years thanks to the ‘pressures’ of the world. The news peice that you shared about the anger in relation to an IPL match is actually true coz these days the only topic of worthwhile discussions at work is mostly IPL.

    The time delay or slowing things down along with deep breaths work the best in case of anger. I guess, when one gets angry there is an adrenaline rush in the head and you tend to do certain things which you wouldn’t do under normal circumstances.

    Another helpful technique could be just walk away from the scene of trouble for you; preferably a lonely place or a place where you can be yourself. That would help to get you back to your normal self and help you reason as to why things went wrong. Well this one works for me everytime even though I don’t use it everytime (I am kinda hot headed :P)

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    1. thanks for sharing your secret of dealing with anger. sometimes letting out steam in a harmless way is good for one’s well-being, I guess.

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