Don’t be a mastiff or a viscacha. Be a quokka!

If you are wondering what I am talking about, read on.

I consciously put on a smile when I go out, and smile at people, whether in the market or on my daily walk. The smile remains even when it is not returned. In fact, that only makes me smile more widely. But it has not always been like that. I used to be smile miser at one time.

Time was when I used to have this unconscious habit of looking grim, almost forbidding, which can easily be interpreted as being unfriendly. Many have voiced it politely: ‘Are you a teacher?’ This happened even as recently as some days back after years of practice. And I thought I had mastered the art of smiling constantly!

Back in my 20s and 30s, I remember getting wary looks from people I ran into daily in my housing society, as I rushed to work or someplace else. Always hurrying, and yes, even with a smile plastered on my face. For all the smiles, I guess I looked sort of stern and unapproachable, making others hesitate to greet or even smile back at me. The ice somehow didn’t break. How do I know? I became aware of how my apparent scrooge persona had put off people, during an informal occasion in the society, when I must have felt relaxed enough to let the forbidding expression slip. Some of the women had expressed pleasant surprise at my friendliness, even sense of humour. One woman wistfully said, ‘I wish I had spoken to you sooner and got to know you better long before this!’

You see, I am a friendly and helpful person by nature who loves small talk, just as the next person. So how come I had got into the habit of looking so grim? It was not a permanent expression, just one I unconsciously slipped into when I got into the ‘Atlas Mode’, shouldering the burden of the world and resenting it big time! Over time, it caused the ‘frone’ to appear and settle between the eyes; the eyes hardening into suspicious/angry slits; the mouth that never seemed to relax or curve up in a smile.

The older one called me Dr.Fixit, as that is what I was tried to do – trying to fix everything that seemed to be off – fights, anger, upsets – and keep things running smoothly. Little did I realise that it is an impossible task, one that can frustrate anyone, leave alone someone trying to balance a job, home and all things in between, as the L&M was always away on tour. I was not unique in doing all this, but I let martyrdom overtake me sometimes…well, often 😊

The younger one used to ask me why I had a ‘froning look’ on my face, before I realised that I had got into the Atlas mode, and hastily pulled up my lips into a smile. The poor kid! He would sometimes smooth my ‘frone’ with his little fingers.

It took me many more years to begin working on myself. I was trying to shed a lifetime of resentments, complaints and passing the buck for my having turned into a taciturn and aloof person. And this time, it was for myself, to be kind to the one person who would be with me till the end – me!

To do this, the first trick I have tried to adopt is a permanent smile. Just as I consciously straighten my back while sitting at the computer to relax my spine, I pull up the corners of my mouth into a smile when I feel the lips drooping in a morose expression. No matter what mood I am in, I try to keep the smile pasted – a genuine one — not a fake, plastic one. A smile can make the plainest face look beautiful.

I must confess though, that changing a long-time habit is tough. Just the other day I looked at myself in the mirror, shocked to see my stubborn lips trying to eagerly go and meet my knees. Eeeks! I looked like a pug, if not a bull mastiff, in that reflection! A pug might look cute with those downturned lips and wrinkles — I surely looked hideous. I hastened to turn the lips upward and was relieved to see a pleasanter reflection. Whew!

Having talked about pugs and mastiffs, I got curious to know which other animals sported a ‘smile’ or a ‘sulk’. I came across several, like the dolphin, the sloth and the quokka. I bet you have not heard of the last. I hadn’t. A quokka is called the happiest animal as it seems to be perpetually smiling. At the other end is this South American animal called viscacha which has the reputation of being the saddest animal. Just look at it! While humans’ feelings are reflected as facial expressions, it is the facial structure of these animals that make them appear either happy or sad. I guess that is enough zoological gyan for today!

Coming back to the post, experience tells me that it is well-nigh impossible to worry, be sad or anxious while consciously smiling. It is also the best shield to fight negative thoughts and feelings. While smiling, it is tough to think unkind thoughts or be angry. If something so simple can make such a huge difference, why not smile more? Be a quokka, not a mastiff!

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