Alka Gurha’s writing has a rare fluidity that never fails to amaze me. Her observations are sharp and accurate, be it personal or anything pertaining to the society or the political system. Her grasp of the topic is total, as she takes the readers on a no-hold-barred session of well-aimed barbs laced with delightful wit. I routinely check to see what she has written on a particular event to get her viewpoint, which often uncannily matches mine. Alas, I lack her felicity with words!
Her Freebird is one of the blogs I never miss visiting. In this guest post, she gives us a sneak-peek into the crown prince’s secret diary – tongue firmly in cheek. Enjoy!
This year, on my birthday I was flooded with several open letters. Most letters are by the chattering literati needlessly infatuated by the ‘Rahul-for- PM’ call. They are crying foul and hyperventilating on television debating my inevitable coronation. All these middle-class letter writers don’t come out to vote, so I don’t really care. But I do have a few things to say to my detractors.
Since communication is not my forte I vent my feelings to you, my dear diary.
On Fascism Vs democracy in India
India discovered the concept of democracy more than a thousand years ago through Panchayati Raj at the grassroots level. It was smothered by the fascist Brits during their Raj. It is to my great grandfather’s credit that he brought a semblance of democracy after independence. Fortunately for my family, India remained a democracy but the idea of democracy became a myth within the Congress party. A party which the Mahatma wanted dismantled. Can you imagine India without the Congress? I can’t. India is Congress and Congress is India!
On my views on important issues on national security, terrorism, inflation etc.
If I had any views I would have elucidated them by now. Honestly, I have no views, vision or version on most issues. Neither does my mother, nor did my father. But dad was a successful PM. So there!
On encouraging dynasty politics
In all fairness I can’t change my family name, can I? I was born with a political spoon and grew up in the lap of power and its attendant – Wealth. I am used to sycophantic party-men running after my car with folded hands. Not that I ask them to, but it’s a norm. In fact my day starts with a watery soup of flattery.
On molesting democracy
You want me to contest elections? I can contest elections and win from Amethi any day. Yes, even without Priyanka’s help. And within my party I need not contest any election. Undoubtedly, I will be the unanimous choice. No, young Scindia and Pilot do not stand a chance. You see, Congress lacks ideology and the Gandhi family forms its core. The sheep are always in search of a shepherd.
On lack of intellect and ability
In politics intellect is non-existential. If I had intellect I would have cracked IIT and completed my course from Harvard University. So what if I failed in Hindi at Stephens? Former PM Deve Gowda couldn’t speak Hindi as well.
The pseudo intellectuals who write letters to me dare not question my courage and commitment. They will never come out of the air-conditioned comforts and slog in this heat. It takes a lot to walk 33 kms along the Yamuna Expressway and interact with hundreds in a single day. The grateful people of the state have even decided to celebrate my birthday as Kisan Adhikar Diwas.
On Black Money in Swiss Banks
It is a top secret. Mom was in Switzerland last week, but I am not supposed to divulge any details. Not even in a diary.
It is a utopian dream – The only topic on which BJP and Congress are in bed together. No insider will axe his own foot. Can’t help you see, because corruption funds Indian democracy.
Gandhi’s are not used to taking the heat. When government decisions bomb Dr Singh faces the flak. If it’s a populist decision, mommy takes the credit. Our political strategy after the 2004 elections is to hold influential positions in the party, but not in the government. This way we get to speak little and control more. The strategy is working fine for the family.
On Italian surname in my passport
In national interest, it is more important to check if Ramdev’s aid Balkrishna is a Nepali or not. The nation need not worry about my passport. My chances of becoming a PM are alive only in India. Not in Italy.
On becoming the PM via back door
Fie on those who think I cannot be the PM or that I will occupy the seat via backdoor. Side-door maybe! The strategy is to swing UP 2012 elections in the favor of the Congress. Why else do you think I am visiting all the rape victims and Dalits in UP? After 2012 UP win, the cries of my coronation will reach a crescendo. Diggy will make sure of that. In all probability there won’t be a UPA III. At that point of time, we will see ‘ki hawa kis taraf hai’.
If the inflation is high and India’s growth story is on a decline, then I will hold the remote and someone like Digvijay can become the P.M. If the country is doing well then I will occupy what is rightfully mine and Digvijay can be the Home Minister. He deserves a ministry for pillion driving me at 4 a.m. to Bhatta Parsaul.
A word about Diggy:
He doesn’t shoot from the hip. There is calculated method to his madness. He says stuff that I wish to say but cannot. Like, “RSS and Hindu terror are the biggest threats to the nation”. Also in order to win UP we need Dalit – Muslim votes. The former have been nurtured by Mayawati and hence Digvijay keeps the Muslims in good humor by flirting with their sentiments. And I conveniently play along.
Dear Diary – Tell me, who should be India’s future PM?
Mayawati, Modi, Mommy, Mamta, Manmohan or Me?
Pick any M. I mean PM.
Oops ….I forgot. Advani ji is also waiting to jump in from behind the bushes. At 85 if he can jump that is.
Ha, ha….my dimples are hurting.