Search result not found!

Whenever I am searching for something on the net, I am always frantic. I keep keying in all kinds of permutations and combinations of words to reach what I am looking for. Many a time I end up on some page that has a mere mention of the word and that too buried deep into the text and invariably out of context.

It can be frustrating – when I am searching for info. But I find it infinitely amusing and rather interesting to go through the terms used by reach my blog. WordPress so kindly provides this info.  One of the first things I do when I open my blog is to look for these gems. I can honestly empathise with these poor souls who come looking for everything from tips on cookery, to simple information and even to enlightenment!

The search terms helps me find out which of my posts has hit maximum eyeballs. For instance the one on South Indians, has had many desperate people come looking for guidance on everything ranging from diet to recipes. The magical search term is ‘idli’, in this case. If cookery is popular, eating is even more popular and dieting is of paramount importance.

Though my blog posts might not have provided the answers to these seekers of knowledge, I would have loved to personally help them.

Let me take one of the most popular posts – Idli Dosas, anyone?

(I am giving the search terms verbatim here.)

One desperate searcher asked me plaintively, ‘What happens if we eat idli daily?’

‘Relax. I can say from experience that nothing unpleasant happens. If something were to happen the whole of south India would be affected by it.’

Another one wanted to know, ‘Can I eat idli when I am on a diet?’

My post would not have answered the question, but I will. ‘Of course you can eat idli while on a diet. It is one of the lightest and most easily digested foods ever. Only don’t guzzle litres of sambar and bowlfuls of coconut chutney along with them!

One searcher reached my post seeking to find a magical cookery tip: ‘How to make the best idlis?’ this one wanted to know. Since this would involve a detailed post on the same, I suggest you find some good south Indian cookery blog.

There was one searcher who was probably googling for eateries in the UK. The term that led her or him to my post was:  Idlis in Brighton. Would my dear friend Deepthy help this one out please?

Someone came looking for ‘idli-dosa people.’ Wonder who those are!

Frankly, search engines can be sadistic at times. When someone is frantically searching for information, they can lead them on a wild-goose chase. There was one searcher looking for, ‘Ticket charges of Mayank Blue Water Park.’ I first thought that the searcher had just keyed in random words but when I googled, I discovered that there is a water park in Indore by that name. Now why the search engine led this one to my blog is beyond me, except that Mayank wrote a guest post and comments on my blog regularly, but as far as I know, does not own the said park; do you Mayank?

People looking for baggage allowances on Kingfisher airlines came to my blog too.

Some search terms make me curious enough to google for them to find out what they mean. One such was Bishop Stang. I found out that it was a high school in Massachusetts in the U.S. Wonder which post of mine led the searcher to my blog!

I used to think that I was the only one who used really long descriptive search terms to look for things but this one beat me hollow:

Name of writer who writes in Delhi Times about a situation in which how dilliwallah will act.

The poor searcher was lead to my post Dilliwalon ko gussa kyon aata hai but I am sure he or she must have been disappointed to find just a rolling-pin-wielding Zephyr talking about the Dilliwala and certainly not a Delhi Times writer!

Another of my popular posts My mobile journey, led such diverse searchers to my blog that I was most amused.

Mad moms on cell phone.

My dear, moms can be driven crazy by their ‘loving’ family and you can expect fireworks when mad moms get on the phone. But did you get what you were looking for?

Angry cell phone (???) – What exactly were you looking for?

Throwing cellphone – Perhaps you were researching the art of throwing the said gadgets?

Then there are the truly baffled searchers:

‘What countries have a zephyr?’, one wanted to know. All countries do, at some time or the other, of course! After all, gentle breeze is as much part of the weather as a hurricane or typhoon. But if you meant this Zephyr, well, you can find her only in India!

‘What happens if one eats a blue lotus?’ – I honestly don’t know. Maybe I could ask my blogger buddy Blue Lotus for you?

Anger seems to be one search term that had led many to my blog. I guess Lethal Anger and Dilliwalon ko…were the posts that brought them there.  One searcher reached the Cyber Nag by looking for Cybernag anger

Mothers who yell and nag their children.

Nuclear parents (The searcher was probably looking for nuclear families)

and ‘Angry grandparents’

Now, I can perfectly understand that moms yell and nag their kids and some parents might be ballistic enough to qualify as nuclear, but angry grandparents? Nah, there can never be those, I am certain. Grandparents are all made of wax and melt at the mere mention of their names, at least this paati does!

Sometimes a search term can be truly humbling as when I found this one asking me, ‘What is my mission, O wise one?’

I wish I knew what my mission is before I could attempt to tell you what yours is!

All the same, I am curious as to how I became the Wise One in the first place. Any ideas?

25 comments

  1. Wonderful post ! truly hilarious . looking forward to more posts from you . 🙂

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    1. Hey welcome here. I didn’t know people are willing to get nagged! Do come again. 🙂

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  2. Hahaha, happy to start a sub-column in your blog for all the queries and be a personal search engine..:)

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    1. Now, wouldn’t that be dandy? 😀

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  3. Great Post! I found it really amusing. The other day I had a visit on my blog by a person stating that he was looking for PHP blogs and came across mine. I don’t understand how that happened as I do not have any tags on programming or PHP. Anyway, I have noticed that sometimes the search results are weird especially when the search keyword is not very popular.

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    1. Hey nice to have you here, Barkha! Like I said, search engines can be sadistic at times. I have been led on wild-goose chases more than once by them 🙂

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  4. Delhizen · · Reply

    What a Post Chithi!!! Can’t stop laughing :))

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  5. Lol… I too some times get lost by seeing the key words that make people visit my place…

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    1. Welcome here Harish! The terms are a never-failing source of entertainment for sure 🙂

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    2. Sorry Harish, for replying your comment so late. Somehow, it remained in the pending folder and I missed it.

      As I said, search terms afford me endless entertainment every day 🙂 Enjoy!

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  6. Ha ha! Verrrry interesting to see know how people land up on your blog!

    I haven’t read your Idli post- must be sure to read it now! 🙂

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    1. The idli post is atually less about the dish and more about stereotyping, which is why I thought it was my bounded duty to enlighten the seekers of info 🙂

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  7. hahahahaha! Hilarious…wise one..oh God its so funny 🙂

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    1. I am too kicked up by the tag of ;wise one’, even if someone came here by mistake 😀

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  8. hahahaha.. that was such an awesome post. And hey i didnt know there is a park in Indore – my namesake. Why would somebody want to call a park ‘Mayank’.. but then ‘mad moms on cellphone’, ‘angry cellphones’.. even more weird.

    Zephyr, you are definitely turning into a oracle o wise one!

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    1. 😀 😀

      Obviously some Mayank must have built it. Which is why I wanted to know if it was you, someone coming to my blog looking for you and all 😀

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  9. LOL. What a wonderful beginning to the week. (yes the week begins today for us). Searches to my space -Jayalalithas Payannur house (??), HOw to wish stepmom on her birthday and the bestest is -how to please M-I-L as if there is a formula for it

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    1. I am glad that the post brought a smile to your lips. The terms unfailingly evoke some emotion or the other! Like Richa pointed out, even Nirvana can be googled for, why not pleasing a MIL? 😀

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  10. 🙂 surely very nice to know how people land up on your blog!

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    1. I love seeing the search terms first thing when I open my blog 🙂

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  11. Dear Wise One, Hilarious post indeed!:) Whats also funny is what people seek to search as well! Google has opened such a window in our world. Nirvana will be a matter of googling perhaps!

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    1. Looks like Nirvana will indeed be got through googling one of these days 😀

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  12. Awesome post, was rolling on the floor reading this post! Hahah! Aren’t you glad you have all the tools on your blog!

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    1. Oh yes, thanks to my blog manager!

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