Who doesn’t like gifts, even though we take many of them for granted? Like the gift of our lives, our bodies, the air we breathe, our families, friends, and so many more. And of course, the gifts we get – the material ones – on occasions and even without any occasion are special. Would you agree that giving gifts is even more joyful than receiving them.

“Giving means paying attention and creating imaginative contact with the one to whom we are giving; it is a form of attention itself, a way of acknowledging and giving thanks for lives other than our own.” — David Whyte

Since I believe this too, I try to use every gift I get, be it a sari, the haldi–kumkum gifts of small plates, bowls, and other knick-knacks, or anything else. But even someone like me couldn’t have used all those lemonade sets, coffee mugs and wall clocks that we had got for our wedding!

Those were the days when gift items were limited. Or was the imagination of gift-givers limited, I wonder? Anyway, we went through those juice sets over several years, the jug being used variously as flower vase, serving-spoon holder and storage pot for knick-knacks. I must shamefacedly confess that we recycled some of the other gifts. After all, how many clocks could we use when most houses in those days had no more than two rooms — sometimes including the kitchen?

Gifts in my childhood were quite simple, especially birthday gifts. Elders would give anywhere from Rs.5 to Rs.11 when we went to do namaskaram and get their blessings. These amounts were either taken by mother or put in a gullak depending upon their value. Rarely if ever did we get to spend it at the vendors’ carts outside school or in shops to buy toffees and eats.

Today gifting has become rather complicated with one unable to decide on one that would be useful to the recipient. So, we often end up giving monetary gifts which are the most impersonal ones, if you ask me, unless it is a wedding gift which can be put to good use by the newlyweds.  And don’t get me started on the bigger and more and more ostentatious ‘return gifts’ and wedding gifts, where ‘big fat’ is the keyword. (Read my post on this trend here)

Which is why today, gifting ‘experiences’ is becoming popular especially for the young. A heritage walk, concert tickets, desert safari, treasure hunting for younger kids, and so much more are being eagerly exchanged. But even this could be dicey unless one knows the likes and dislikes of the person getting them. For instance, what would someone with dust allergy do with the gift of a desert safari? Or how would a non-adventurous person react to an ‘experience’ of hang-gliding?

Coming back to the topic of using a gift, while I am happy to know my material gifts are used, there are some who except the gifts given by them to be kept safely – even clothes or other utility items. A close relative had once asked me if I had the table lamp which she had given me nearly a decade earlier. Oops! But I had used it for many years, loving its unusual design, and the soft light it shed for me to work at the table before wear and tear took their toll. Wasn’t she glad that I remembered her every single day I used it, grateful for the love that had gone into her lovely gift? She was not amused when I told her as much. Oops again!

I have this very soft cotton sari given by a loved one, which reminds me of her every time I wrap it around me. Of course, it started fading after a couple of years of regular wear, and I finally stopped wearing it. But its softness and her love lingered in my memory every time I draped any sari, even after I forgot the actual shade and pattern of her gift.  

And then there is this other dear relative, who preserves every little thing I have given her over the years. One of them was a lovely sari which I had chosen with care, visualising her in it, and hoping she would wear it often especially as it was in her favourite colour. I was dismayed to find that she had kept it carefully packed away in her cupboard, when she proudly pulled it out to show me, during my visit some years later. To her it was something to be treasured, no matter if it slowly faded in its cover. She wouldn’t understand my sentiments and was rather hurt when I pointed it out to her.

So, which category do you belong to — one of those who expect the gifts given by them to be kept forever, even if it might spoil over time — an aromatic candle for instance? Or one who is happy their gift is used by the receiver, even it breaks/tears in due course?

Homepage image: https://www.apa.org/