Any relationship will thrive if it gets a little space to breathe – not when the members are breathing down each other’s necks! I had written about how ageing elders increasingly wish to maintain their own space in the series on elders and eldercare (here , here and here)
Now read my personal views on the subject in the post ‘Independence is my middle name’ on Bonobology.
Would I live with my children in my old age? You are kidding me, right? I mean, with a name like Cybernag and a reputation to match, can it even be contemplated?
Homepage image: Senior Planet
The Cybernag 
never ever go to eldercare,they are bloodsuckers. my grandma lives in eldercare where we pay 45k rupees per month. they advertise that its for NRI and buy awards from FROST AND SULLIVAN to attract people that their centre is best.they provide very low quality food and spoilt curd sometimes. they just loot your hard earned money. i came across many elder care centres,they are exploiting senior citizens. elder care and assisted living is a big business across world,the situation is same in usa too,they are exploiting old after paying 4000 dollars per month.its best to take 1bhk apartment and have maid or assistant to look after you 24X7.
you can join elder care after becoming old if you can bear all the ill-treatment after paying so much money in the name of being independent.my grandma is very stubborn and she doesn’t like to compromise.
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What you term stubbornness could have some reason behind it. Living in care homes have their flip side and one has to give a careful thought and weigh the options, but I feel the final decision has to be the elder’s.
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Really enjoyed reading this post, Zephyr. And I completely agree with your line of thinking here, both as a daughter/daughter-in-law as well as someone who will be in the ‘senior citizen’ category in less than a decade 🙂 I am going to share your middle name if that’s okay with you 😀
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Oh, you are most welcome to share my middle name 🙂 I know you will agree with my thought process. After all, we do share the middle name, don’t we? 😀 We have all gone through or going through the different roles we play in life and so need to be grounded and realistic about relationships that mean much to us.
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It’s such an inspiring post where independence should rule above everything and agree with your last line on what constitutes in-laws. Unfortunately, society makes the line so blurred and one sided which is detrimental to growth.
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I added that as an afterthought because there is a genuine apprehension in me about posts on this topic getting sensationalised into mother-in-law vs daughter-in-law issues, whereas this is about two generations, never mind if they are parents or parents-in-law.
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Couldn’t agree more with you. It’s about values and we should be cautious of sensationalizing such issues which is personal first. It’s so easy to blame children.
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….or blame the elders, whereas neither of them is to blame 🙂
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Ya I agree. Third parties always blame someone or the other. We suffer from the problem of perception.
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Very thoughtful post and you hit the nail on the head that elders need to have own hobbies and preoccupations and let every one have space to breathe!
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Oh yes! it is one of the most important things in any relationship. Physical space is even more needed, given the different routines and schedules of the two generations. Thank you Rahul!
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I loved your post! Your points are well taken – different routines, lifestyles require different living spaces. This does not bring down affection or concern for each other in any way.
Kudos to you for managing the vision issues so well! And writing and reading – activities that you love require so much use of one’s eyes! I’m in awe of you in this regard.
My parents are like you. They have friends, hobbies, and interests and love having their own space. My siblings who live closer to them constantly check in on them. I call almost every 3 days or so.
They love their children and grandchildren and we all love visiting each other. Living separately does not undermine any of this, and in fact, as you said, probably enhances relationships.
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That’s a lovely comment from you, Priya! I don’t know if you have read the series of posts I had done on elders and eldercare. This is only personalising what I had written in those posts. The more I am ageing, the more I realise the need and imperativeness of having one’s space and learning to live within one’s limitations of every kind. That is the way to keep and nurture relationships. I have also come to realise the need to ask for help whenever needed. It prevents tensions for the children and others around me, for they know I will go to them if the need arises.
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Love your positive attitude! Will read the remaining posts on eldercare.
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I think if both generations put themselves in the others shoes a lot of issues could be solved…. In fact being independant would make u a happier person
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Very true, Jayashree. The younger generation forgets that it would get old too and the older forgets what it went through in its youth. So some introspection and compassion are also the need of the other.
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