Give and get back more

It is not about bargains in a store but one in a relationship, especially in a marriage. For that matter, any relationship can thrive only when it  is one of give and take. The beauty of it is that when one gives more, one gets far more in return. This is more so in the relationship between spouses with the bond becoming stronger as they grow older.

So when my dear Read my dear blogger friend Rachna asked me to do a guest post for her blog on her 11th Wedding Anniversary, I decided to write about this.  Do read the post A Special Day, A Sepcial Post on her blog Rachna Says.

Image courtesy: saplanetoriginals.com

45 comments

  1. YEs what you say is so very correct. and I did read the article on Rachna ‘s blog .. and did leave a comment there too.

    ALthough i do beleive that the more you give the more you get back but in REAL life that doesnot happen often, people have got used to the idea of just taking ..

    Bikram’s

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    1. Those who do all the taking are the abusers in a relationship and as I have said in the post, the one giving should refrain from giving and thus avoid being exploited and if there is violence, it requires a different approach too. What i have written is applies to relationships where other things are normal, and ego interferes with a good equation.

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  2. What a befitting post for the occasion so beautifully strung together in words of wisdom. I completely second the thoughts, ego divides while love balances out all equations. Today, unfortunately more stress is given to give and take of material things than love in relationships.

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    1. Ha ha. Well said! Who says we don’t give and take? So what if it is material stuff? 😀

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  3. AlkaGurha · · Reply

    A gem once again…Yes marriage is not about one -upmanship or control or even 50:50 partnership as you say.
    It is more about compromise, respect, care and concern.I have commented on Rachna’s post too.
    Could not meet you in Delhi….regret that.

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    1. It is not as if we are all experts in relationships or that we don’t have our fights, but we have arrived at a formula for compatible cohabitation. what do you say? 🙂 I missed you too at the Meet.

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  4. hawwww how sweet 🙂 like the carl and elie’s story in ‘up’ 🙂 🙂 about relationships , you ll know better than me anyday

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    1. No one can become an expert in relationships. It is just sharing of experiences.

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  5. Happy to nominate you for Versatile Blogger Award Cybernag

    Check out http://deepak-doddamani.blogspot.com/2011/12/my-first-ever-blog-award.html

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    1. Thank you Deepak. Will do. 🙂

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  6. I agree with Neelam’s comment above. It’s not as if we do not know these things, but when someone else says them in a sensible manner something clicks :). Especially for us today’s girls, sometimes our egos come in the way.

    Sometimes, there is a way of putting things. No one can get anything done from me by yelling at me or ordering me around. But say it in a nice way and if it makes sense, I will be the first one to adapt it. That is the way I have always been — a firebrand with a head :). My dad also has a similar way. He is so gentle in saying what he thinks is right — never imposing, never overbearing always relying on the logic or the righteousness of things to appeal to my own wisdom. I admire that in him.

    Thanks for the post you did and all similar posts that you keep writing.

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    1. When i did that post for you, I never expected to get such an overwhelming support and response from the younger generation. Frankly, I thought I would get a slew of comments calling me anti-women and all 🙂 But I am glad the post has been taken in the spirit it was written. And as someone who has experienced the highs and lows of emotions over an extended period in the husband-eife relationship, I wanted to share it with you all.

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  7. Zephyr I always look forward to reading your posts on relationships. There’s so much one can imbibe from them – your words of wisdom are priceless.

    You inspire us to be better Moms and wives.

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    1. Why, I didn’t address the women alone! It is was meant for both, which is why I used the term spouse all through. It is all a matter of hard work and years of trial and error and if it helps someone it has achieved its goal.

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  8. Lovely post!! I hate to admit but I did need a reminder about the importance of small adjustments. It’s the damn ego, I tell ya!!!

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    1. You said it! we don;t want to admit it, whether it is the man or woman — that we are wrong and that we are standing on ego. How to make them understand that a little give is all that takes to oil the relationship?

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  9. Came over here from IHM’s Indiblogger meet links, and was instantly attracted by the amigurumi pic on this post.

    Read the post on Rachna’s blog.. and absolutely loved it. I have just had a small girl, 7 months and have been so busy and my life so crazy. This post kind of grounded me.

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    1. thanks for the visit and the comment Aathira. I can understand the crazy schedule you must have been having for the past severl months. I am glad the piece helped you connect with reality 🙂

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  10. as it was said once by a man about his marriage , “we lived for 25 blissful years .. and then we met” 🙂 Great article filled with nuggets of wisdom. As with most wisdom, will fall on these deaf ears of mine. cheers.

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    1. I didn’t write is a wisdom piece. Just saw things around me and was prompted to write it when Rachna asked me to. You are already wise, O wise one, and so I can understand perfectly if it falls on deaf ears 😀

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  11. Beautiful post zephyr dear !
    Second the sentiment hundred per cent ! It’s always ‘give and take’ in any relationship but more so in a marriage !

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    1. We both can swap stories all day, can’t we? 🙂

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  12. first time here. came after reading your guest post for Rachna.
    loved it. so nicely written 🙂

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    1. Welcome here Sujatha. I have left comments on your blog a couple of times 🙂 Glad you liked it.

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  13. Lovely post! Was great to read about the sweet things between you and L&M. And wonderful to hear your thoughts and advise as to how a small gesture can go a long way in shaping a wonderful married life. Words of wisdom – beautifully told. 🙂

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    1. Sweet things always exist in the early days. They start going sour slowly, if you don’t know how to savour and save them 🙂 fight by all means but with a sense of proportion 🙂

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  14. Wonderful post Zephyr 🙂

    I remember an old couple advising me while celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary “Never give importance to your ego in your relationship” and “he is not your better half but your best half” 🙂

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  15. Relation between the two becomes more and more stronger with TRUST & Commitment towards each other. In absence of any one, relationship does not work for long.

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    1. You put it perfectly. One doesn’t come without the other — the commitment to make a relationship work is what inspires all the positive emotions to make it work.

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  16. Struck me this is a lot like our relationship with Ecology – we can give some and take out a lot for a while and we feel very pleased at our cleverness – but this either hits you back in the face fast or the returns stop.
    You got to give a lot of the mind and heart to get out a lot more -that is synergy and it has resonances in areas you never dream off .A lot like your blog too Zeph.

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    1. Our relationship with ecology is one between a dynamic and a static or inanimate object. since one can’t demand the relationship is like the 90:5 of human relationships, abusive and exploitative. But when the ratio is anything better, then the relationship thrives and grows. Giving has to be from the heart, Varsha whether it is in relationships or the blog 🙂

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  17. Its such a wonderful post Mami and me thinks it should be printed as a booklet and given as a gift to newly weds :P. No no correction it should be given to everyone 😀

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    1. Wow, didn’t know Bhagyashree that she is your mami. There are so many talented writers in your family.

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      1. Hey I am the virtual mami to Bhagya 🙂 But I am sure she has many talented writers in her real time family 🙂

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        1. ‘Virtual mami’ , I like that term 😀
          @Rachna; this is a dil ka rishta 😉

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  18. LOL on the 50:50 nahi but 60:40 or 95:5 relationship…yep I guess when I think about it..it is true…it doesnt need to be a perfect 50:50 relationship..but I wont let it go beyond 60:40 😉

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    1. When you keep it at 60:40, you will gradually find that it is getting better and who knows you will soon be on the getting side? Except in abusive relationships when one shouldn’t give in at all, but find ways for a solution, all other relationships, which in my mind form a large portion — benefit by this rule.

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  19. That was such a good post and I completely agree with you. Loved the lines

    “Give some, get some and if required, give some extra. It is this extra that the spouses give each other that make for enduring relationships and happy marriages.”

    So well put. Isn’t bringing a smile to your spouse’s face and making him/her happy worth so much more than the ego trip that one can possibly take? I wish every man/woman in a relationship or about to enter one reads your post. Worth re-posting a million times 🙂

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    1. Thanks A-Kay. We all know it in our hearts but when it comes to implementing some things, we suddenly climb on to our high horses and refuse to come down. 🙂

      Do post a comment on Rachna’s blog too!

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      1. Yup – I was going to, but couldn’t access the gmail a/c that I use for blogger last night. Anyway did that now before you come chasing with your belan 🙂

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        1. Thank God for my belan! Where would the Nag be without it?

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    2. A pair of volcanoes (maybe like the ring of fire) – one an active one spewing lava all the time and the other , the dormant one- that is my innings of 20 years – Dear Zephyr, no prizes for guessing who is who 🙂
      Delicate topic but intricately woven- lovely!

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      1. That is one of the rules I forgot to mention in the post. when one screams the other better remain silent and then talk it out when the volcano becomes quiet 🙂 Glad you liked it.

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        1. That was an awesome analogy.

          You should have a like/+1 button in the comment section 🙂

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          1. I will put it across to the younger one. 🙂

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